Day 161 - Pandemic Existential Crisis

It was the beginning of summer, my husband was working from home, I started working three full days, the kids transitioned from remote learning to each taking a Vlacs course, so I decided to take another crack at finishing my degree online.  It sounded all so progressive, romantic even.  It felt like I was pulling off something a superhuman blogging mom would do.  Winning!

It sucked.  I thoroughly enjoyed the learning.  I did not enjoy teaching myself or the logistics of the class itself.  It felt like simply navigating through all the moving parts was a full time job and it occupied all my spare time and energy.  Being who I am, I assumed that A. It was my fault and B.  I would get better at it.  Wrong!

My second class just started and I was all pumped to write a paper on the failed Equal Rights Amendment when I had an epiphany.  Actually no.  That isn't right.  I started the class, got extremely confused, panicked, doubted myself, and pushed through all of the mental roadblocks and warning signs that I was doing too much, whined to my poor husband for 3 days strait, complained to my co-workers about how hard the class was to navigate, and waited until the last possible second to drop the class.  #imaninfant

So here I am at the end of the summer, taking inventory about what is important to me and my family.  I am reminding myself that I don't need to finish my degree because I am enough.  I don't need another piece of paper.  The pursuit of getting that paper, is too time and energy consuming.  I will take stock of what is important in the now and focus on those things.  Family, friends, books, and coffee.

My happy place